I’m Doug Staneart — President and CEO of The Leader’s Institute ® and Creator of the Fearless Presentations ® Public Speaking Training Programs. And this is How I Overcame My Fear of Public Speaking (And How You Can Too!)
The first thing my public speaking class members often ask me is questions like, “Do you still get nervous when you speak in front of people?” “How did you become a professional speaker?” And the most common, “You were a nervous speaker… How did you overcome your fear of speaking in front of a crowd?”
The answer to the first question is, “Sure. When I deliver big presentations or do something new, yes, I still get nervous energy from time to time. But the nervousness isn’t anywhere close to the public speaking anxiety I had years ago.”
The other two questions, though, have both a short answer and a long answer.
So, I thought that I would back up this week and show you how I overcame my fear of public speaking. You could also call this post how an incredibly shy person beat the odds to become a confident speaker and presenter. My first formal presentation in the business world was such a failure that it cost me my first career.
However, that failure was a turning point in my life. It was horrible when I experienced it. However, it allowed me to help over 100,000 people avoid making the same mistake. So don’t forget, you’re not alone! After all, speaking in front of a large audience is the most common form of anxiety.
I hope that my story can help you overcome your public speaking fear as well. If a person like me can become a great speaker… ANYONE can become a great speaker. You will have to work. You will also have to embrace your fear when you speak in front of an audience—and that means confronting the physical reactions that nervous speakers often face. However, you will also experience great rewards when you do!
7 Life Lessons that Show How I Overcame My Fear of Public Speaking (And How You Can Too!).
Here are 7 Life Lessons that Will Help You Overcome Public Speaking.
- The Toughest Challenges in Your Life are Often Your Biggest Opportunities for Improvement. (If you want the short answer, just click here. If you want to longer step-by-step version, keep reading.)
- Speed and Quality is Much More Profitable than Quality Alone.
- Look for Ways to Make Fearful Situations Less Fearful.
- Obstacles that You Overcome often Become Significant Strengths.
- A Strong Work Ethic Overcomes Most Deficiencies. (Even Stage Fright and Public Speaking Fear.)
- Success is the Best Revenge.
- Keep Your Word, and You Will Gain Respect from People Who Matter.
Life Lesson #1: The Toughest Challenges in Your Life are Often Your Biggest Opportunities for Improvement.
My Sophomore year in college, I got my first big break. I was one of only 12 kids to qualify for an internship with Atlantic Richfield (ARCO.) That summer at ARCO was phenomenal. It was the peak of my college career. I had my college scholarship, a nice job, and all my bills were paid. Also, I played football at Texas Tech and I expected to make the travel squad in the fall. I was on cloud nine!
At the end of the summer, though, I had to travel to Dallas to give a presentation about the internship. Also, some of the corporate vice presidents from Bakersfield, CA, were flying in for the meeting.
A week before my presentation, my boss told me that, because of the economy, ARCO was going to be downsizing. He said that intern positions and permanent positions were going to be even tougher to get next year. He suggested that the Dallas presentation would be a good way to showcase what I had accomplished.
I walked out of his office in terror. Before he told me this, I could see my whole future laid out clearly. I was one of 12 students who the #13 company on the Fortune 500 list had chosen as an intern.
At that moment, I realized that if I performed poorly, I could lose it all. As the presentation day approached, I imagined all the worst-case scenarios, and I began to experience a panic attack.
I’d like to tell you that I pulled myself together and gave the best speech of my life, but I didn’t. In fact, it was the opposite. I blew the presentation, and throughout, I had all the common anxiety symptoms. My heart rate shot up. My palms were sweating profusely. I speak pretty fast to begin with. This time, I sped through the 15-minute presentation so fast that I finished in three-and-a-half minutes. My flight response kicked in, so I just ended abruptly and quickly sat down.
I was mortified. I had blown my big opportunity.
If You Want to Overcome Your Fear of Public Speaking, You Have Two Choices…
We always think that mistakes are bad. We want to avoid them at all costs. However, most successful people (most successful speakers) realize that mistakes just show us a single way NOT to do something the next time you try. If you use your mistakes as learning experiences, you can grow and get better.
I knew I had to become a better public speaker. Since I was a broke college kid, my first step was reading everything that I could about speaking and stage fright As I learned more about the process, I slowly began to overcome my fear of public speaking. However, I didn’t conquer this speech anxiety entirely until I took my first presentation skills class.
As I was reading and listening to audio files with tips, I still had to put the knowledge into practice. It was a good starting point. But the process took a long time. Each time I tried something new, if I had a success, my confidence grew. However, every time I tried something and it didn’t work fantastically, my performance anxiety in front of others grew. (My comfort zone actually shrank.)
So I was on a confidence roller coaster. Every time I began building confidence with one good experience, a single bad experience would set me back by growing my fear of social situations. This was happening because I was solely relying on my own experience. However, when I got a good coach for “fear of public speaking” classes, I learned from her years of experience. By leveraging all her wisdom, I was able to overcome my public speaking fear way more quickly in a supportive environment. (She shortened my learning curve and helped raise my self confidence tremendously.)
You can do the same thing!
Life Lesson #2: Speed and Quality is Much More Profitable than Quality Alone.
My dad bought a two-room shack that was falling to pieces. That same year, he started a one-man construction business. He was a house-flipper before house-flipping was cool.
Unlike what you see on reality TV shows today, though, house-flipping in rural Arkansas wasn’t a wealth building activity. Dad would basically buy a condemned home in the ghetto. Then, he would spend six months to a year remodeling the house. Finally, (hopefully,) he would sell the house for a profit.
After owning my own business for over 20 years, I now realize the mistake that my dad made. He took too much time on projects. Since he was such a skilled carpenter, he could do all the work himself. However, that process took about a year to complete. Our family had a huge windfall of income all at once when a house sold, but then we had to both fund Dad’s next project and live off those proceeds for an entire year.
Interestingly, this is the first major lesson of public speaking. That’s right, it is a valuable public speaking tip. Dad was an excellent carpenter, and the houses that he refurbished were exquisite. But his business wasn’t profitable because of the time it took.
Today, I see people make the same mistake with speaking skills. They read blogs, watch YouTube videos, sign up for a mailing list, maybe even go to a Toastmasters for support. All of these sources have excellent content. However, just like dad, they are trying to do everything by themselves. As a result, it takes a LONG time. What they think is the best option for learning communication skills is actually holding them back.
Life Lesson #3: Look for Ways to Make Fearful Situations Less Fearful.
On the day of the drawing, I was so nervous. The principal drew the first name — the $25 winner. It was my best friend, Barry. I was so happy for him, but a little disappointed that I didn’t win.
The principal then pulled out the $50 name. It was… also Barry.
How was this even possible? I had assumed that you could only sell a single case. No one told me that you could sell more cases and get your name entered into the drawing more times! The principal drew the third name. It was also Barry.
Turns out that Barry had sold over 50 cases of candy in the time that I sold just one. He walked away with $175 in cash!
Early Successes or Failures Create Patterns in Your Life.
I saw what Barry did, and fortunately, Barry had transferred to a new school. The door was wide open for us. We decided that going door-to-door in one of the poorest parts of the state was silly. But we knew that hundreds of people stopped in to Sody’s Liquor Store every day to buy alcohol. (The store was about 100 yards from our front door.)
So, we stood outside the store, and we asked every person who walked into the store to buy candy from us. I was way less nervous because I wasn’t interrupting dinner. In fact, the customers would often make eye contact with us and smile when they realized what we were doing. We sold out our first day!
My brother and I did this every day for weeks. We didn’t always sell out, but our hard work paid off, because we sold more candy that year than any other student. We got great prizes for it as well.
Most people who are nervous about something try to eliminate the fear by avoiding the skill. (“If I don’t speak, I won’t be nervous.”) Successful business people, though, look for ways to reduce the nervousness all together. It’s one of the best ways to make uncomfortable things more comfortable. Then, we are able to do things that others aren’t willing to do.
Life Lesson #4: Obstacles that You Overcome often Become Significant Strengths.
The elementary school that I went to had two distinct groups. There were the preppy kids who lived around the golf course. Then, there were the kids like me who were bussed in every morning from the poor area. It was hard to fit in, and I was a shy and skinny kid. I got picked on… a lot. My clothes were shabby. I had bucked-teeth. In addition, I was also so small that the other kids towered over me.
One day at recess, Ken, a kid who got put back a year, wrestled me down in the schoolyard. I fought back, but before long, Ken’s size and strength overcame me. He pinned my shoulders to the ground and punched me over and over and over in the face. There was nothing that I could do. Eventually, thank God, he got tired and just stopped. I was left on the ground bleeding with what seemed like the whole school looking on.
This was one of the most defining moments of my life. I had a choice. I could continue being the shy skinny kid and keep getting picked on. Or, I could make the decision that my current situation didn’t define who I was.
So, I decided that I didn’t want to be the skinny kid anymore. While the other kids were becoming experts at Atari, I convinced my dad to loan me the money to buy a weight lifting set. I worked out every day. By the time I entered the 8th grade, my body had changed significantly. Instead of “skinny,” I was now lean and “stocky.” I began to LOVE my workouts.
Although I didn’t realize it then, this was the first phase of how I overcame my fear of public speaking.
Once You Make the Decision, The Work Isn’t Work Anymore.
When I was 15, we moved when my dad got a great job in Texas. At my new school, no one there knew that I was the small, skinny, buck-toothed kid. (My permanent teeth were a little straighter than my baby teeth.) I was the new kid without a history. No longer was I the third-string bench warmer on the 7th-grade football team. All of the sudden, I was the stocky, strong kid who got things done.
The coaches on my new football team loved me because I worked harder than anyone else. My senior year, Spike Dykes, head coach of Texas Tech, was the guest speaker at our sports banquet. At the end of the night, one of my coaches introduced me to Coach Dykes. He turned to me and said, “Son, I can’t give you a scholarship, but if you walk on and prove yourself, I’ll make sure you get a good education.”
That’s all I needed. In the fall, I was a Red Raider.
So, in essence, I owe my education, and really my career as a speaking coach, to a punk kid in the fifth grade who beat the crap out of me. That huge obstacle became the source of a big strength in my life.
Life Lesson #5: A Strong Work Ethic Overcomes Most Deficiencies. (Even Stage Fright and Public Speaking Fear.)
Coach Dykes kept his word. I got an excellent education… And I had to pay for it myself. My college days often looked something like this…
- 4:30 AM in the gym lifting weights and running.
- 8:00 AM – 2:00 PM Class. Since I was paying for my school on my own, I took as many classes as I could each semester. The bulk of expenses were for room and board. So if I could graduate early, I’d save tens of thousands of dollars.
- 2:00 PM – 3:00 PM I’d head to the field house to watch film.
- 3:00 PM – 6:30 PM was football practice.
- 7:00 PM – 9:00 PM I’d do odd jobs. Basically, anything I could do to make a little money.
- 9:00 PM – Midnight, I’d do homework and study.
During the summer, I’d work full-time and save up as much money as I could.
I played football with guys like Zach Thomas (linebacker for Miami Dolphins and Dallas Cowboys), Lin Elliott (Super Bowl kicker for the Cowboys), and Sammie Walker (corner-back for the Pittsburgh Steelers). My linebacker coach was Gary Gaines who was portrayed by Billy Bob Thornton in the movie Friday Night Lights. I learned more about leadership and team building from Coach Gaines than from any other source in my life.
My Sophomore year, I applied for a scholarship from Phillips Petroleum. The company offered the scholarship to Juniors and Seniors who specialized in a specific degree in the oil field. Since I was already taking Junior level classes in my Sophomore year, they bent the rules and offered one to me.
So, I went to Texas Tech to play football hoping to get a scholarship. However, it was my work ethic in the academic part that actually led to that scholarship.
Life Lesson #6: Success is the Best Revenge.
“When Life knocks you down, try to land on your back because if you can look up, you can GET UP!” – Les Brown
Dave Herbally was the president of his small, family-owned oil company in Denver, who hired me the next summer. I saw Dave have tremendous freedom as a business owner. This was an entirely different culture than what I had experienced the previous year. At ARCO, we were selling oil properties left and right to cut costs. However, at the same time, Dave was buying oil properties left and right at garage sale prices and making a fortune.
Every morning when I arrived at the office, Dave was reading something. Sometimes it was a book. On other days, he was rifling through trade journals and magazines. Since I had recently started reading myself, I picked up his habit. That summer, I first read Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. I also read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
Three years later, I went back to the ARCO office to look up old friends and coworkers. To my surprise only one person from the entire staff was still there. My boss who had warned me about the downsizing actually got downsized himself. Not getting the offer was a gut-punch when it happened. However, it turned out to be a blessing in the long run.
When I Overcame My Fear of Public Speaking, Career Opportunities Appeared as Well.
Since I had such a great experience with Dave’s company in Denver, when I graduated, I worked for a small company in West Texas. Just like with Dave’s company, I learned an awful lot about business because I reported directly to the owner of the company.
I could see the handwriting on the wall, though. The price of oil was at about $16.50 a barrel. I knew that sooner or later, my boss would have to let me go because there just wasn’t enough work for everyone. One of my friends from college lived in the same town, and he got a sales job right out of school. He was making a really good living. When I told him that I wasn’t sure that my boss was going to be able to keep me busy much longer, he suggested that I go into sales.
This was a huge change. I had just spent years studying the oil industry. In addition, my only sales experience was my candy sales in elementary school. So, rather than try to do this on my own, I decided to look for some help.
I met with the local leadership coach. She assured me that if I paid the $895 ($2195 in today’s dollars) tuition, the three-month course would help me. My response was, “Excuse me… How much and how long?” She repeated herself and said, “If the class is important enough to you, you’ll find a way to come up with the time and the tuition.”
I knew that I needed help, and I was pretty sure she could provide me with that help. So, I looked her in the eye and said, “I will be there.”
Things in Your Life Will Never Change Until You Decide to Make Them Change!
The class started in three weeks. I had about $300 in the bank. So, I had just a couple of weeks to come up with the rest of the tuition.
I traveled a lot in my job, and we received a per diem of $35 per day. To save up the money, I brought peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with me on each trip for the next couple of weeks. Then, I was able to use the per diem as part of my tuition. On the weekends, I worked 12-hour shifts for a temporary agency.
By the end of the three weeks, I walked into the classroom with a check and presented it to the instructor. She was shocked. She said, “A lot of people tell me that they are going to follow through, but very few people actually do.”
Life Lesson #7: Keep Your Word, and You Will Gain Respect from People Who Matter.
The class did take three months to complete, but after the fourth class, I went to my boss and quit my job. He was relieved because he was just about to have to fire me anyway. I got a starter door-to-door sales job, but I made money right away. Just as an FYI, my fear of speaking to people was still there. However, I pushed through it and actually made a pretty good living.
Within six months, I was the top sales guy, and I was just using the skills that I had learned in the leadership course. One morning, though, I came into the office and the manager wasn’t there. The owner told us that the manager had moved to Las Vegas without any notice. He was under the gun, so he asked me if I’d like the manager’s job.
I was surprised because I really only had six months of experience in sales and no experience as a manager. But I happily accepted. That first month as a manager, I made more in my bonus check than I had in my entire paycheck at the oil company.
I called the woman who taught my leadership course, and I gave her the news. “This stuff really works,” I said. A few months later, an advertising company recruited me as a salesperson for their company, and my income doubled again.
A little over a year from the time that I started there, I had become that company’s top salesperson as well.
At the time, I was reading about 50 books per year. In addition, I also listened to audio recordings in my car on the way to and from sales calls. I had a mobile library where I was sucking up as much information as I could.
Successful People Are Always Adding to Their Education and Developing New Skills.
A couple of years later, I began working for the woman who taught my leadership class. The training had been so helpful for me that I wanted to help other people. In that time, I worked with some of the top instructors in the world. Unlike the other instructors for the company, though, I was still reading and learning from my mobile library for hours every day. When I resigned in 2000, I had already received a couple of awards for instruction. In my last year there, I was number 30 of 3000 in total revenue generated for the company as well.
Interestingly, I worked for the company during the Dot Com boom and bust of the late ’90s. I noticed the same thing happening there that I had noticed at ARCO. The company was so big that as the market started to change, they were very slow to adapt to that change. For instance, to make a single change to one of their classes, it took YEARS. I started thinking back to my time with Dave Herbally, and I realized this was a fantastic opportunity. A smaller company could better adapt to the changing marketplace more quickly.
Bonus Life Lesson: Companies (or People) Who Can Quickly Adapt to the Needs of Their Clients Grow Faster than Those Who Can’t.
That year, I started The Leaders Institute ®. It was scary, and it was not all rosy and easy. We started by just identifying what needs the marketplace was experiencing and busting our humps to fulfill those needs. As we have grown over the years, we still make sure the small company advantages are still here.
I’ve spent the last 20+ years not only showing people how I overcame public speaking fear, but helping them as well. We have over 30,000 graduates who have conquered stage fright with our fear of public speaking classes.
If you are experiencing presentation jitters or want to be more professional when you speak, I invite you to join us! We have classes coming up in cities all over the world.
See Presentation Class Schedule by clicking here.
